I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
