Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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