captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
