Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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