who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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