Sponge bath it is.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
