when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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