I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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