final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
