Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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