So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
