When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
