I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
