Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
