.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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