I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
