guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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