your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
