He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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