He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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