Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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