He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
