I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
