my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
