I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
