DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I deserve this hangover.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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