I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
