I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
