i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
