the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize