Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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