We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
