Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
