My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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