we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
