its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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