ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
