PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize