I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
