We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
