I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
