Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
