So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
