How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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