So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
