Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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