Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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