oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
