Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
