She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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