So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
