ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
