Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
