Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
