I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
