I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
