Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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