remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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