Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
