i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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