Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
