I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
a search helicopter?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize