Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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