last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
