just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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