Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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