I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
