hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
