I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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