i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
