I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
there is glitter all over my balls
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