its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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