I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize