so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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