I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
