We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
